Ten Steps to Fewer Steps

Ever wondered how to put less effort into everything you do?

Follow these Ten Simple Steps to reduce the steps you take in your life by up to 50%. Once you’ve read through these ten simple steps, you will be THREE steps closer to living the life you’ve always dreamed of.

Confused? Don’t be. There is no time like now to start over.

Step #1: Set a low bar.

People may encourage you to set a high bar. They (bosses, mothers, distant relatives) may even demand such. What I’m suggesting is that you advocate for the exact opposite. Tell everyone you know that you refuse to surrender to their societal norms, and introduce them to the low bar that is your new normal. While they may appear puzzled at first, you will convince them by being unwaveringly consistent. Insist that they accept your poor taste and subpar standards. Before long, they will come around to the idea that a low bar is, in fact, better than no bar at all.

Step #2: Do more with less.

Ever come across scintillating snapshots of people having what appears to be so much fun? If you’ve ever come across such photos and thought to yourself “If only this could be me!” I challenge you to think again. Why? Because the pictures are entirely contrived. How do I know? Simple.  According to highly reputable studies, “No one does anything worthwhile anymore. Ever.” (True Story, 2015). Remind yourself that anything resembling cool is actually a superficial sort of construction, staged merely to stroke someone’s swaggering, social media-reinforced ego. When you find yourself bemoaning your unremarkable existence, remind yourself that at least your mediocrity is authentic. You are the average real deal.

Step #3: Downsize, two steps at a time.

The final trick to succeeding in life with fewer steps is to downsize your belongings. In this step, I’m suggesting you go above and beyond your seasonal spring-clean. With step #3, I’m asking that you take everything you own, and place it into a pile in the center of your living room (office/bedroom will also suffice). Once your belongings are assembled, begin removing things from the pile, one at a time, until you are left with only three things. Use these three things to help guide you in figuring out life steps 4-10.

Now, wondering what to do with the rest of your things? If unbroken and/or tolerably useable, consider donating the remainder of your items to your neighbor (or any person who has not yet gotten a hold of these simple life steps). At this point, it’s likely that such a person still believes that things-big, small, shiny and dull-are the key to happiness. Exploit this person’s knowledge deficit by gifting him/her your “treasures” (read: junk), pat yourself on the back and take a deep breath. You have started anew.

UP NEXT: For a small, one-time payment of $4.99, you can gain immediate online access to my new book, “Five Ways To Become Rich and Skinny Overnight By Eating Only Cookie Dough Scented Scones.”




2 thoughts on “How to Achieve Life Fulfillment with Ten Simple Steps and a One Time Only Fee of $9.99

  1. The world of today’s “editorials” (which, as you captured here, are less “articles” and more bulleted lists of quickly digestible points–rarely note-worthy or enlightening), have plagued me with a tendency to quickly scroll through articles first to assess their length and thereby the investment required to read them. The “this looks worth my time” assessment more often means “this will be quick,” while the “I’ll come back to this article in a little bit” is far too often a, “I’ll never look at this again in my life.” So naturally, when I saw a heading of “Top Ten Reasons…” I instinctively scrolled first, which immediately revealed a “Top 10” list of just three points. Confused, rather than reading to find understanding, I scrolled up-and-down approximately 57 times, telling myself, “Don’t worry, the page isn’t fully-loaded yet, it will soon change,” before I saw the line “Confused? Don’t be. There is no time like now to start over” and found myself settling in for another great read!

    1. Dear Investor in Cliff Notes,

      I feel you. Today, bullet-point style advice is like yesterday’s crack. It’s addicting, affordable and everyone wants to give it a try. It’s no wonder that we are all left so disappointed when we realize the “ten steps to success” column didn’t translate to our being successful. If only we took the time to have real conversations with people again! Like the old days! Can you imagine the depth of the dialogue? It could be frightening, sure, but I fancy it’s worth a shot. Do you want to sample this with me? One night, we go somewhere sans technology and interruptions, and we try to just talk through an issue for an unspecified amount of time. See how long it takes us to break the awkward intimacy with a quick snapchat or text. I’m game if you are.



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